Bernd 2021-02-09 12:14:33 ⋅ 3w No. 109321
I'm a 29 yo male going to female ~40-42yo cognitive behavioral therapist for about 4 months now. I'm rather Kein, but in the last few years I turned fullon Bernd (I haven't used IBs before 2018, because I had actually other things to do). A few sessions ago I started telling her that I've started getting things to kys already months ago. Last session I updated her on that matter, because things suddenly progressed (I guess I'm more lazy than actually depressed and even kysing needs drive and motivation kek) once in a while and promised her to update her, so I did. she got worried. She said "you gotta get that stuff out of reach, give it to me, or give it to a friend etc)" I said no, I don't want to give it to anyone else because that would feel like a major setback and going back to square 1. No one would hand it back to me knowing what it is. I tried to change the topic but she didn't had it. Stuck in the conversation where she wanted to hear me coming up with a plan for such safety measures, she said something like I really don't want that you kill yourself, because I like you, but she also added that she can't prevent it anyways. I didn't know what to say and just didn't say anything. She did neither, but somehow her eyes got glassy and I was thinking like "what? She ain't gonna cry in front of me any moment, is she?" she looked sad and I couldn't really look at her for long, because it made me feel bad somehow. It's been a few years since I made a woman cry, you know. Anyways, I then said "I could put the stuff in my cellar compartment. I'm a lazy fuck, going down to get it is really kind of out of reach for me". Then she suggested putting it there and giving her the keys for the doors and I just agreed, because I wanted to talk about other stuff. Afterwards I told her about a book I want to read that I ordered, because without knowing too much about it the few plot lines I read felt similar to my situation. I also mentioned that there's going to be some kind of love story according to a sentence I read in the preview. She then suggested that we could read it together. I hesitated for a moment, because I haven't read a book with someone else before and wasn't sure if 50 minutes of therapy is going to be me reading the book to her. She's gonna buy it too. And we read it for ourselves at home and 50m therapy might become my book club. Or something. I'll see Also, about two weeks ago she already told me she doesn't have time on the 12th and I was feeling it had something to do with Valentine's day and her involvement with a male person. Long fucking weekend and such. The idea made me sad of course, because I'm pretty Bernd and lonely and back then was also a little in love with her already. Of course. Last session she told me she doesn't have time on Friday, because she's got a therapist workshop coming up. This made me feel relieved a lot. I know what (erotic) transference is and of course it is in my case. My question is: is she fucked in the heda, too? Erotic countertransference does exist and I always got a few impressions she's flirting with me. Is this all normal therapist behavior? Is she deliberately fucking with my head? What is going on here? The emotional distance to her I had before is gone and I just want to love her. It feels good and like some moody mood lifted off me, but I don't think it will end good like me returning to my former distance. Did you know that reading books together is a couples thing? I won't tell Bernd which book, because I don't want you to ruin and spoil this romantically magic moment for me.
Bernd 2021-02-09 13:16:06 ⋅ 3w No. 109324
>>109321 >Did you know that reading books together is a couples thing? Yep, doing that time to time when I have a gf. >The emotional distance to her I had before is gone and I just want to love her No you don't, as she doesn't want to love you, too. She is old and her life lacks emotional events, you just gave her one. She felt compassion for a glimpse. Love does not manifest that way. Fuck, I've read the whole wall of text waiting for sex scene with the MILF and **I'm disappointed**.
Bernd 2021-02-09 13:18:18 ⋅ 3w No. 109325
Also, she is overreacting. I'm sure you don't show signs of severe suicidal mood. You probably should leave her and find someone more professional. Where is my fucking **sex scene with a MILF?**
Bernd 2021-02-09 13:42:00 ⋅ 3w No. 109327
Next episode: Bernd asks his therapist out and gets assigned a new one.
Bernd 2021-02-09 14:32:28 ⋅ 3w No. 109330
> Missus therapist, ich feeling very depressing and will to kys myself sometimes <Don't be silly, honey, I will miss you, you're making your momma the_rapist cry > Missus therapist, me so ronery, but I read a book, it is about two lovers *wink* *wink* <Oh komm zu mir, little boy, I'll kiss where it hurts, here grab my MILF tit, you'll feel better >Can we have a date on the next Friday <No-o-o, I have things to do, silly, but don't worry about that, we will meet zusammen against later
Bernd 2021-02-09 15:41:27 ⋅ 3w No. 109332
>>109330 >don't forget to update your insurance police so we can be lovers twice a week!
Bernd 2021-02-09 18:19:05 ⋅ 3w No. 109350
NEVER admit suicidality to your therapist or doctor. I’ve never been in the looney bin likely only thanks to this rule. Anyhow, feelings or not on her side, it’s a bad idea, she might lose her profession. Or like >>109327 said, you will lose her. It’s an unpopular opinion, but you should never attempt anything with colleagues, relatives-in-law or professionals treating you. Colleagues are obvious, but why not non-blood relatives? Well, the moment your sibling or cousin divorces his/her partner, you will have to deal with the fucking drama. My first therapist was a obviously gay man and worries were not.
Bernd 2021-02-09 19:24:31 ⋅ 3w No. 109356
She sounds like a sex hotline whore that whant keep you on the phone.
Bernd 2021-02-10 19:48:00 ⋅ 3w No. 109453
>>109325 >You probably should leave her and find someone more professional. To be honest I've had that feel too. She's still doing her therapist training and I was always feeling our sessions as a whole were missing like a common theme. jumping from topic to topic and not getting anywhere. Since the beginning in October nothing actually got any better. But therapist search sucks big time in Germany, because I don't have private insurance. So I feel kind of stuck with her or I would be alone for myself again. Even though I often have a feeling that nothing would be any different if I wouldn't had have started in October with her. >>109350 Can she even send me to the bin? If it's not imminent and I'm not an acute danger to myself or anyone else? Law's might be different in Finland. >>109356 Kek yeah I know what you mean. Interesting thing is I've seen her 16 times now (including approbatics). In Germany when you start a therapy you get the first 4 sessions to get to know your potential therapist (and vice versa) and see if you can work together. Approbatic sessions it's called. Last friday she told me that we've seen each other 7 times now (approbatic sessions excluded) . I was like what? How? Therapy sessions get usually applied in 12 sessions per application to the insurance (approbatics not counting) and then approved. So I still have 5 to go, but also signed the next form for applying for another 12 sessions. Is she bad at counting?
Bernd 2021-02-10 19:50:14 ⋅ 3w No. 109455
>>109453 Paraphrasing my last paragraphs: it's like getting fucks from a prostitute for free!?
Bernd 2021-02-10 19:51:43 ⋅ 3w No. 109456
>>109453 Paraphrasing my last paragraphs: it's like getting something for free?
Bernd 2021-02-10 20:08:28 ⋅ 3w No. 109460
>>109453 >Since the beginning in October nothing actually got any better Therapy takes up to a year to have effect. Sometimes more.
Bernd 2021-02-16 05:18:53 ⋅ 2w No. 109955
How do I overcome (erotic) transference? t. OP
Bernd 2021-02-16 07:40:04 ⋅ 2w No. 109958
>>109957 I did try to turn it off as in imagining her as a typical NPC with boring, generic views. I then get annoyed and disgusted and would rather not continue seeing her. But I still see her another time and get hooked again, thinking that I wouldn't care so much about all this and she might be even not as how I imagined her before. I know I don't know her. But I can't seem to find a middle ground in my feelings to her. It's either love or hate. Not only for her, I have this issue with almost any relationship to a person. I should mention that I'm also diagnosed with BPD so it's not like I could just easily turn off this black and white thinking at a finger snap even though I'm aware of it. Maybe it was a mistake to go to a female therapist (but I couldn't imagine falling in love with an ugly 60+ female tbh so maybe that's the bigger problem) or even starting therapy at all. Perhaps I'll just switch to hate and ghost her.
Bernd 2021-02-16 08:38:06 ⋅ 2w No. 109959
>>109958 >Perhaps I'll just switch to hate and ghost her. Gosh, that really doesn't sound healthy. I would try to reconsider it if I were you.
Bernd 2021-02-20 17:16:32 ⋅ 2w No. 110373
Bernd, I saw her yesterday. She was dressed in a way how she has never dressed before. I knew most of the clothes, but under her cardigan she wore something like pic related. It was a huge V neck. Of course temperatures got way warmer than a few days before, but not in that sense. I was still wearing several shells of clothes and a beanie. Also she's never dressed in a cleavage revealing way before. After sitting down I quickly noticed the huge amount of skin I got presented and of course I took a quick glance, several times within that hour. I'm not sure what to think about this, even though I liked the look it seems pretty inappropriate to dress like this as a therapist. But I can't say I'm offended, just not sure where this is heading and what her goal here is. Just enjoying my glances of appreciation? Should I feel exploited? I don't want to actually since it makes me feel good too. Is this therapeutic for me somehow? Has my therapy turned into something weird?
Bernd 2021-02-20 17:18:18 ⋅ 2w No. 110374
Maybe she was going to meet someone directly after work.
Bernd 2021-02-20 17:20:22 ⋅ 2w No. 110375
>>110374 I was thinking about that too. But why not bring clothes to change? And dress modestly while with clients? She could change there without any problems later.
Bernd 2021-02-20 17:27:15 ⋅ 2w No. 110377
>>110375 Also she knows that I'm spending 24/7 with myself browsing the interwebz. The only day I see and talk to another person that isn't bringing me packages or groceries is when I see her. Doesn't she know about transference? Of course I'm now mostly masturbating thinking about her. Thanks, I guess.
Bernd 2021-02-20 21:51:16 ⋅ 2w No. 110404
>>110377 >Of course I'm now mostly masturbating thinking about her. have you discussed this with her? always be open and honest with your therapist, shes there to help you
Bernd 2021-02-20 22:53:35 ⋅ 2w No. 110406
>>110404 >Hello Ms. Therapist. Since we met last time I am masturbating while imagining you. Please help.
Bernd 2021-02-21 05:07:32 ⋅ 2w No. 110432
Therapists are aware of thr issues encountered with shut ins. She's not going to fall for you. You're at the bottom, and possibly below the social ladder. Normal wimmin want someone they can either show off to their friends or climb your well networked ladder. You're going through a pedantic episode of infatuation and rejecting these confused feelings as a coping mechanism to avoid being hurt because you failed to mature your fragile ego past kindergarten. Please immediately kill yourself.
Bernd 2021-02-21 08:07:57 ⋅ 2w No. 110436
Bernd 2021-02-21 08:12:06 ⋅ 2w No. 110437
>>110432 >She's not going to fall for you And what if she's fucked in the heda, too? Because I get this impression more and more and I kind of like the idea.
Bernd 2021-02-21 17:13:12 ⋅ 2w No. 110475
Had been having phone appts with female therapist for 3 months because of corona. She came back and she was like 7 months pregnant. She says "please let me know if you have any feelings about me being pregnant and we can talk about that, because therapy can be kind of a weird relationship." I say "It reminds me of the girls I got pregnant in high school. One had a miscarriage because of drugs, and the other one had her friends throw her down the stairs and kick her in the stomach." She says "oh my gosh! do you want to talk about that?" I say "I looked them up later and they got fat. I was like 'ha ha, serves you right'."
Bernd 2021-02-21 22:22:06 ⋅ 2w No. 110516
>>110475 Unimaginable level of sensitiveness of your therapist. If I were going to tell her about shit I was having through life, she would have had a miscarriage. But I wouldn't impress any local therapist with that, I wouldn't even have a little bit of honest sympathy I guess.
Bernd 2021-02-21 23:03:57 ⋅ 2w No. 110517
>>110475 >"please let me know if you have any feelings about me being pregnant and we can talk about that, because therapy can be kind of a weird relationship." I can fap to this.
Bernd 2021-02-23 07:11:13 ⋅ 1w No. 110657
>>110436 You're emotionally stunted and falling into a role where you're going to have a hiccup if you discontinue therapy if this disingenuous one sided relationship you're forming continues to stagnate. Don't let your imagination run wild. Try coming back to reality or become forward with your feelings towards your new therapist. Her role right now is to listen to you and try to steer you in the right direction. You're falsely believing this is healthy despite your romantic feelings for her.